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ForeignTounges
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Name: Ashley Country: United States State: Texas Birthday: 9/11/1985 Gender: Female
Interests: Running. Shoes. Music. Movies. Entertainment. Freeland Dancing. Blue. Travel. Books. Languge. Occupation: Student Industry: Media
Message: message me AIM: waitingunder
Member Since:
4/7/2004
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| Well, I've decided to write in this damn thing because i really need to write.
Im not doing good at all. Today is my brother, dad and ex-uncles
birthday. My brother is 16, same age I was when the twin towers fell
down. Im not doing good at all. I cry all the time. Im awake from the
hours of 4pm - 4am, and then i go to sleep. When I sleep I dream of
horrible things. things that dont let me fully sleep. Make me lay in
bed with my eyes half open. From the moment i wake up until the moment
i force myself to lie down again I am constantly choaking back tears.
something that causes my throat to ake and ears to bleed. i dont talk
to people much. i dont see my friends any more at all. I dont want to.
I dont like them anymore. I avoid my family at all costs. I eats
chocolate and drink dp. pepper all the time. i read so when im not
working and write sometimes. im completely alone. i just want a hug
really bad. I havent felt like that in a long time. i just really long
for a true embrace. i dont need anyone to lie to me anymore and tell me
its going to be okay, that i dont even care. id just like to feel
another human heartbeat, because im beginging to lose mine. im like a
robot with something less than a routene and that being, dont show them
your tears. because if they see that reflective sparkle roll down your
cheak, they'll ask questions, ones you dont really want to answer. im
doing really bad, because the one person that would understand my
feeling is dead, and the one person who i thought knew me (myself) is
lost. what i'd really like is an embrace. not a sexual one at all.
ijust want to know that someone out there is alive. i need to feel a
heart beat, because i cant feel my own.
agape
ash
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| Shit, I thought I wrote in this one , i have 2 xangas, and forgot which one i usually write in, sorry liz, ill transfer that one.. hahah you were like ASHLEY YOU DIDNT UP DATE and im all LIIIIIZZ!!! YES I DID! YOU OBVIOUSLY CNAT READ! haha we were both right...
This entry is dedicated to Becky and Liz:
Everything is up in the air at this point in my life, and for someone reason I am very greatful for that. For the first time in my life I am so scared I litteraly can't eat. Becky, I know you think this is impossible, but its true. I eat just for nurishment, and it feels like to much, because Im making myself so sick to my stomcha that i think i am going to puke every time something enters my effing mouth!
This really erally really gross ugly guy keeps looking at me, and i rolled my eyes at him the first time and now i am trying to ignore it but i am getting kinda scared because he is really gross.
My brother is not using his head because he likes a girl. He is trying to justify everything, and not listening to anyone because he thinks he is going to mary her. I bet this is the first girl eh has ever like. I feel sorry for him because Iam very thankful for me catching on to Gods word so young, and sometimes I feel like he's jsut like everyone else because he likes to justify everyting, just like everyone else. Im worried for him.
I mean, gosh, i really like Jose', but against my wanting I have had to turn him down... alot. If you ask him he willl say a billion times, but its closer to a million. AHH. Or Chauncey !!! YOu know! Jeeze. Who could resist Chauncey Leopardi!???!!!! Evidently I could. that!!!!!! HE IS NOT MINE!!! somedays i wish he were!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ehh.
I dont know what to say anymore. this Gross dude keeps looking at me trying to give me "the look". HE JSUT DID IT AGAIN!! GEEZEE. Plus i have to pee extreemly bad.
Lubbock Film Fest is tonight. Wish me luck. Wine and Cheese and dine thats fine. Oh God if he doesnt stop looking at me i am going to fucing kick him in the nads. no joke, its now getting on my nerves.
Becky, I Miss you and love you very much. Liz, things will be fine. You will be fine. Shake it off girl, you got i!!! I love you!!
agape asshole |
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| -- Name: ashley -- Birthdate: 9-11-85 -- Birthplace:temple, texas -- Eye Color: BLUE -- Hair Color: brown -- Hair Length: shoulder? -- Height: 5' 6 -- Weight: 120 (laughs REALLY loud) -- Righty or Lefty: write
Describe... -- Your heritage: british. very -- The shoes you wore today: reefs. grey original suede nikis -- Your hair: wind blown -- Your eyes: pure -- Your weakness: ice cream -- Your fears: not seeing my dreams meet reality -- Your perfect pizza: uhh papa johns? -- Goal you'd like to achieve: provide life changing entertainment world wide -- Your most overused phrase on AIM: hello -- Your thoughts first waking up : "maybe i should talk to god now" (then i roll over) -- Your best physical feature: my eyes -- Your bedtime: im sorry, i dont sleep -- Your greatest accomplishment: holding down the fort for a person who is probablly not doing the same for me.who prob. doesnt even exist -- Your most missed memory: jeans and I's adventures
preferances... -- Guys or Girls: what? guys. what? -- Water or Soda: h2o -- Roses or Daisies: roses. they hit you hard. -- Beer or Liquor: dont drink -- Pepsi or Coke: dp.all the way -- McDonald's or Burger King: neither -- Sierra Mist or Sprite: sprite -- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:green hot tea! YUM -- Chocolate or vanilla: coco -- Hot chocolate or coffee: hot chocolate -- Day or Night: night -- City or Country: as katy and micheal and john and i found out, i am very much so a CITY person. -- Hamburger or Hotdog: guh!! chicken -- Black or White: colour please. -- Solid or Striped: striped -- Light or Dark: both -- Pants or Shorts: jeans -- Sandals or Tennis Shoes:tennis -- Tapes or CDs: cds -- Pen or Pencil: pens -- Crayon or Marker: marker -- Bus or Train: train -- Subway or Airplane: air -- Summer or Winter: winter... and summer. i like cold though -- Spring or Fall: spring and fall.. both -- Baseball or Football: base -- Basketball or Soccer: basketball and soccer. love both. better at soccer though -- TV or Radio: neither. they are both full of too much BS these days -- Tea or Coffee: tea -- Cake or Pie: cake? -- Steak or Chicken: chicke -- Peanuts or Popcorn: popcorn -- Skittles or M&Ms: M&Ms (peanut) -- Bath or Shower: shower -- Sun or Moon: moon is dreamy. -- Ocean or Pool: ocean -- Mountains or Beach: beach -- Cat or Dog: dog -- Car or Truck : whatever runs
Do you...? -- Do you have a best friend: yes -- Have a Boyfriend: no -- Smoke: no -- Smoke weed: no -- Drink:no -- Cuss: waaaay too much -- Sing well: no, but i like to sing, so i do -- Take a shower everyday: no -- Have a crush(es): dumb question -- Who are they: same person its been for like 8 years? -- Do you think you've been in love: with jesus, yes -- Want to go to college: no -- Like Middle school: yes -- Want to get married: who doesnt? -- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys:who is asking these questionss! -- Believe in yourself: if i didnt, who would? -- Get motion sickness: nope -- Think you're attractive:not so much -- Think you're a health freak: i tend to think about health alot. every time i eat ice cream or down tanks of DP in the middle of the night, im def. thinking about every inch that i will gain from it, and will have to run off the next day. i would like to be healthier, not for my looks but physical gain. what? did i just pretend to be democrat and totally NOT answer that question? -- Get along with your parents: haha have you met my folks? yes i get along with them! -- Like thunderstorms: my mom still tells how i run to her room every time... not my fault.. i almost died.... i was young... -- Play an instrument: drew tought me guitar, but i forgot. oh and savanna taught me piano -- Wear eye shadow: no -- Have a dog: no -- Have a crush on one of the guys in one of your classes?: no -- Hate bees: no -- Have a secret crush on your dentist?: english teacher? what?!
Who ... -- Do you go to for advice: myself, and then confirm the advice i gave myself with racheal or my 50 year old friends, Linda -- Knows all your secrets?: i dont have any secrets, but racheal knows me best -- Do you cry with: racheal
Do you believe in... -- God/Devil: yes -- Yourself: ues -- Your friends: ues -- Aliens:still thinking about this one, ill get back to you -- Love: What was it that Ewan said.... -- The Closet Monster: no -- reincarnation?: no -- ghosts?: no -- Bigfoot?: no -- the Loch Ness monster?: yes
Have you ever... -- Played a game that required removal of clothing?: y3w -- Smoked: no -- smoked weed: no -- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: no -- Gotten beaten up: yes, racheal might be short but the bitch can fight -- Shoplifted: yes -- If so, did you get caught: no -- Considered a life of crime: actually, yes, i still am - to tell you the truth -- Been married: im 18 - moron -- Been divorced:no -- Thought you were gonna die?: indeed -- Prank called someone: like alot -- Eaten a whole box of cookies and thought you were fat after: lets not go there -- Been on stage:yes, i feel home there -- Gotten in a car accident: sorta but not really -- Kept a secret from everyone: no -- Set a body part on fire: no -- Had an imaginary friend: no -- Called or seen a psychic: no -- Ever cried at a chick flick: uhh sorta -- Had a crush on a teacher: oh please, one word.. ENGLISH -- Changed who you were to fit in: hah... you ever met me?
-Yes or no-
Are you smart?: genius.. Do you like V-8?: love How bout the Splash kind?: even more Are you superstitious?: no, but i see 311 ALL the time... Do you read your horoscope?: sometimes, but its for fun Do you believe in that stuff?: no Can you do a cartwheel?: no Can you do a Aerial?: no Do you have bangs?: yes Do you wear glasses?: no Do you wear contacts?: no Can you drive?: legally but my friends say i cant Do you snore?: no Do you talk in your sleep?: when i sleep, yes, i yell and scream, sleep toremnts my soul like you wouldnt belive Do you like onions?: yes, with zuchini Do you like cotton candy?: no Do you keep a journal?: around 29 Do you like to dance?: ask the little gaurd at wal mart at 3am if i like to... Do you like to sing?: yes Are you any good at it?: no Do you like to talk on the phone?: no Do you like where you live?: no. rowlett isnothing Is your room messy right now?: yes Do you like your writing?: yes Do you like to finger-paint?yes Are you organized?: no Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?: no Do you sleep with socks on?: no Do socks turn you on? what? no Are you ticklish?: uhh.. my heart is Are you shy?:no Do you talk to yourself?: yes Do you have a sense of humor?: yes, but it can be offensive Did you go to preschool?: yes Do you secretly wish the roadrunner would get caught?:no, i never watched that. i watched woody the wood pecker
The future... -- Age you hope to be married: yese -- Numbers and Names of Children: i want 2 but i know i will have 3 the first two will be boys and the last a girl Kent, Jude, Melody (the second is not ssound yet but 1 and 3 are a must!) -- Describe your Dream Wedding: vegas... dressed as elvis -- How do you want to die: dreaming -- Where you want to go to college: no where -- What do you want to be when you grow up: an entertainment icon -- What country would you most like to visit: australia
Opposite sex... -- Best eye color?: pure, and i also dig blue -- Best hair color?: dark and 80s ish -- Short or long hair?: 80s ish -- Best height: super tall -- Best weight:thin -- Best articles of clothing: pants
#... -- Number of drugs taken illegally:0 -- Number of people I could trust with my life: 0 -- Number of CDs that I own: 5 (million) -- Number of piercings: 0 -- Number of tattoos: 0 -- Number of scars on my body:3 -- Number of things in my past that I regret: 0
Favorites... --Fave Color: blue --Fave Actor: ewan mcgregor and jude law and owen wilson --Fave Actress: drew barrymore and natile portman and scarlett johanson --Fave Food: green --Fave Drink: water --Fave Fruit: strawberry --Fave T.V Show: sienfeld
Are you... -- Are you psycho- yes, had to take pills, been locked up and strapped down, labled and doctered treated and not cured. -- Split personalities no, just one VERy confusing person. -- Obsessive: more EXCITED than anything -- Schizophrenic:seriously? is that a word? -- Depressed: yes, like a lightnig bold for a split second but its super harsh -- Suicidal: no, but dieing would make life so much easier.. but then again.. wheres the fun in that? easy... -- Idolize infamous criminals: actaully, yes.
-Short answer-
What's your middle name?: you tell me smart ass What was your first word?: fuck What are you allergic to?: DP Funniest experiences?: is that a question? Scariest experiences?: yea Most embarrassing moment?: im sorry, i really dont get embarassed Best day of your life?: same day as the worst Worst?: see abovee Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge?:lick Do you have an innie or an outtie?: innie thats supposed to be outtie What languages do you know?:english spanish and a wee bit of french and russian What's the best awards show?: acadamy What's on your calendar right now?: dont have one What words do you overuse?: "shit, fuck, piss, pussy, all the bad ones What do you sleep in?:whatever i wore that day How many pillows do you have?: 8 How many times have you moved: listen, like isaid before, i relaly dont sleep, so if im in bed im just laying there. on my back, praying i will be able to sleep at some point in my life, but until i see what god sees my eyes will not rest.. What order do "paper," "rock," and "scissors" go in?: rock paper scissors How many people go to your school?: what? stupid question alert How many laws do you think you've broken as of now?: dont know What do you smell like?: b,o.,
What do you put on... hotdogs/hamburgers?: hotdogs- ketchup, What do you put on toast?:nothing What new flavors does Skittles need to have?:?>????? What new colors of M&Ms should there be?: bleu How many Star Wars movies have you seen?: one How many stories is your house?: two Do you have a basement or an attic or what? : attic How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie-Roll center of a Tootsie-Roll Pop?: lost count Are you a morning person, or what?: no. What does your toothbrush look like?: its purple and spins. drew gave it to me.thanks you Do you have a friend that you wish wasn't?: no What's the worst word you know?:dream (my blessing is my curse) Who has the most annoying voice in the world?: anyone who cant stop talking for 5 seconds to listen What's your IQ score?: 143 What's your deepest darkest secret?: i dont have any secrets What do you do when you're nervous?: pee Who's your role model?: jesus? What celebrities do you look like?: some people say scarlett johansonn.. but thats only because tehy have seen pictures of my mother when she was my age, and she really did look like her and then they say .. i look like my mom and ..... What celebrities do you act like?: kate winslet in eternal sunshine and natalie portman in garden state. How old do you wish you were?: 18 Where's the farthest place you've ever traveled?: venezuela List all your classes from favorite to least: no Why did the chicken cross the road?: so we could dance | | |
| Today was foggy in it's feel. And the weather matched that. Is foggy. I just have this weird feeling that something major is about to happen. Im trying to open my eyes wide enough to see what it is, but I just can't seem to make it out. I do know, however this "thing" will not be bad, because I am at peace about it. Its like a new leg or something. Its just completely different. I felt this feeling after seeing Garden State. Maybe its just the aftermath of the movie. Or maybe its the weather effecting my thoughts, but i do feel something. Strong. Like tea with too many bags. Or the purfume section of Foley's. Not a bad things - just a little too strong.
Becky's so write. People with out dreams can eat my shit.
Funny Story: Hot guy came into store. Wasn't my fault I was looking at him. He should have been uglier, well. heh. I uhh, when he came up to be checked out (i already had) he asked me how i was doing, and I say my normal response " Shitty, and you?" And he responds with, "I have gas, but other than that I'm fine." I died.
agape ash^^^
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| Becky and Liz, this one is for ya'lll. (They keep telling me to update, so I guess I will. I write in other forms/forums, not just xanga - to let yall know).
Racheal leaves, left like 40 min. ago. Love that hoe, but Im not going to miss her. Because this is the way our lives are supposed to be - apart. Beckys going into the navey. I think this will be good for her, even though I do expect a couple of letters saying how much she wants to come home. But if people were screaming in my face 24/7 I would want to GTFO too. Im really kinda not happy with her leaving. I didnt think it would effect me as much as it is. But becky, and liz and I have become very good freinds. and i love being around her. we have so much fun together. I will never forget that day on dart when we went swimming in some random hotle in fort worth and got lost on the way home. It was seriously the best day I had all summer. Non stop laughter and fun. Boys suck and God can heal. Running is the best terapy. And so is chocolate. Movies are more than entertainment. Feather beds are very comfortable, and just a little alcohol can help you sleep. Working out is an obsession, and boys... well.. they suck. Skirts are fun, and so are those shoes that make click clock noises when you walk on concrete. dark is the best time to play. skinny is super good. even though rolls are fun to show. i cant belive i am shedding a tear. I really am going to freaking miss becky. Member all those losers in our speech class? We just clung on to each other. Good times man, good times. I love you becky. I wish you weren't going, I really do, but I know this is what you want to I am excited for you. Liz, the adventures are up to me and you now.
agape
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